In response to the Orlando nightclub shooting

This is to my friends and family who think, for religious reasons, that homosexuality (and other letters of the LGBTQ-etc alphabet) is wrong.

This is an honest request for your help, and maybe not in the way you might initially think.

You are good and important and compassionate people who genuinely care about others. You would never condone hatred or violence. It's great! I like you all a bunch.

I'm asking you for help because you have something I don't have: devout religious beliefs.

There are people I can't reach, because I'm a big ol' bisexual feminist atheist genderqueer whathaveyou. And those are exactly the people we need to reach, and they'll only listen to people with enough God Cred, as it were.

This is what I want you to do:

I want you decry these acts. Make it clear you stand against perpetrators of violence. Most of you do this anyway, and I appreciate it. It helps. It shows us there is safety and comfort and love.

I want you to help police your communities. I want you to stand up to bullies. I want you to remind others that no sin is above others, that we are not the final judges, that we are all people and all loved.

I want you to change the language that's used to describe us. One thing I hear a lot is that homosexuality is "unnatural" or "sickening" or "gross." This language dehumanizes us, and is also wrong and disingenuous. You know what's gross? Sex, in general. It's all fluids and organs and stuff. Describing anyone's sex acts is gonna be off-putting to a general audience. If you catch people doing this, stop them. No one needs to talk about my genitals, ever. I am a person. I am not gross. My body does some gross stuff (come on, digestion) but I am still a person.

I want you to explain consent to others who equate homosexuality with crimes of non-consent like rape or pedophilia or bestiality (I mean, I want you to explain consent to everyone, because rape culture is a thing, but that's another essay). I want you to help spread the word that we gay folk don't prey on people, we don't try and convert children into gayness, we aren't attracted to children, that we only have sex with other people who are legally able and willing to give consent. And yeah, LGBTQ people can be sex offenders just like straight people can, but they aren't any more representative of us than a straight sex offender would be representative of you, and if an LGBTQ person does prey on someone we want them to go to prison just like a straight person would.

I want you to consider the rationale behind your beliefs. You can say "I think homosexuality is wrong because my religious tells me so" or "homosexuality is wrong because men and women have different needs" and I'll fight you on it, but I'll still respect you. But if you find your reasons are based in knee-jerk disgust or hateful rhetoric, then reconsider what you believe and why you believe it.

I want you to listen to gay and bi and trans and asexual and non-binary voices, seek out LGBTQ people in your religions and ask them about their experiences, learn some of the terms we use, and be ready and willing to help them and love them.

I want you to help reach the people who use your beliefs as fuel for their violence. Don't let them define your religion.

Help us.